


No Regrets - Erwin Smith Week 2018

by supasafeboss



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 04:36:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16360925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supasafeboss/pseuds/supasafeboss
Summary: What would have happened if Levi had actually carried out his threat?





	No Regrets - Erwin Smith Week 2018

He threatens to do it. Erwin thinks it’s empty and laughs it off. Now he knows it wasn’t.

Levi keeps his word to make them easy to fix. Clean breaks on the lower legs. He is possessed by something un-natural when he takes advantage of Erwin’s trust, shoves him down to the floor in his makeshift office and uses his strength and experience to complete the task.

He remembers Erwin’s face. It was serene and held a fondness in his eyes that only Levi was lucky enough to see. It contorted into fear when Levi knocked him over. Panic when his legs were gripped harshly. His screams were the worst because Levi had never heard sounds from him like that before. When he moved to the second leg, he was begging, his eyes pleading.

Levi took ahold of the leather encased foot and looked down at his commander.

“I’m sorry, Erwin.”

The second scream was almost loud enough to mask his own heart breaking.  
…

Hange is pissed at Levi when they meet again. She gets a punch to his jaw in because he deserves it. She roars at him, her face just an inch from his own and he feels her spit fly on to his cheek. She continues until she is hoarse and deflated. When she finally released the hold on his jacket, he speaks.

“If we lose Erwin, humanity is lost.”

Hange was slumped into a chair behind a table scattered with formation drawings. All in Erwin’s handwriting. Her hands shake as she pulls them through her hair. 

“We can’t let him die.”

Her elbows are resting on her thighs now, hands steepled in front of her lips. She is silent long enough that Levi grows tired of it and turns to leave. Her voice stops him.

“We can’t let him die…or you can’t let him die? Which one is it?”

He does not look back before he leaves the room and leaves her question unanswered.

…

He tries to talk to Erwin before they leave. Erwin just glares at him from his bed. He hands him a sealed letter in case he does not make it back. When Erwin does not take it from his hand, he leaves it on his chest. Erwin picks it up and hold it over the candle on his bed side. The corner ignites. Levi watches as his last words are consumed and turned to ash. Erwin drops it into the extra bed pan to continue to burn before it reaches his fingertips. He stops looking at Levi altogether.

Poison tipped words are on the edge of his tongue. He swallows them whole, relishing the burn and tightness in his chest. He doesn’t need Erwin to be happy with him. He doesn’t need Erwin to like him at all. Humanity needs Erwin alive. HE needs Erwin alive. 

Erwin doesn’t even look at him. “Dismissed.”

Any words he may have had are trapped behind his teeth. He doesn’t salute, but turns sharply to the door. It only makes him feel a little better when he slams it shut.

…

When he returns from Shingashina, Erwin finally speaks to him.

“How many men?”

“Nine.”

Erwin’s eyes are intense and Levi swears they are making him burn from the inside out. “Nine fatalities?”

“Survivors.”

Erwin’s stare faulters and he turns away to hide his face in his hand. He curses the walls and Levi’s name in his whispers. 

Levi stays silent and still. He had not been dismissed yet.

Erwin lifts his head up. His eyes are glassy and especially blue. “Hange?”

“She led the charge to distract the Beast Titan. She fell with her men.”

His eyes close and he turns his face away from Levi. His remaining hand clamps over his mouth. His inhale through his nose is trembling as his shoulders heave forward.

Levi breaks. He takes a step, hand out to touch his shoulder. “Erwin…”

“Leave.” His voice cracks loudly with the order.

Levi stops in his tracks. He fights to lower his hand while his hearts cries for him to move.

“Dismissed, Captain. That’s an order.” It is sharp at first, but barely a whisper by the end.

Levi salutes tightly and makes a direct line to the door. He is through it in a hurry and slams it harder than he wanted. It was like someone knocked the legs from under him as he slumps to the floor. 

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes until they throb. He doesn’t care if it hurts. It feels deserving as he listens to Erwin’s quiet sobs from the other side.

…

Erwin endures the ridicule from the government and the people for ‘escaping’ the battle when his troops gave everything. He is labeled as a coward by some. He did not deny the claim. Even as he sat in the wheelchair at the hearing, he ensured that his soldiers’ sacrifice would not be in vain.

Nile asks him later. “How did you break your legs?”

Levi half expects for Erwin to confess the truth. Levi would spend the rest of his years rotting in a cell if it made them even.

“I lost balance at the top of stairs in a tower. I am not used to the missing weight on my right side.”

“Is that enough to break both of your legs?”

Erwin does not flinch. “It’s a long staircase.”

Later, the two remaining officers of the survey corps find themselves together once they reach headquarters. Levi helps push Erwin to his desk and turns to take his leave. Erwin’s voice stops him.

“Levi.”

It is the first time that he has spoken his name rather than his rank. Levi turns to face him again.

“I understand why you did it.”

Levi swallows hard and gives a small nod.

“But…I’ll never forgive you.”

He hopes that the sorrow he feels in his bones does not show on his face. He does not trust his voice to speak. He nods, salutes, and turns on his heel to leave. He travels off base and walks directly to the stable to retrieve his horse. He rides hard and fast out Wall Rose and into the newly reclaimed lands of Maria. His vision is blurred and the moisture on his face cools his burning skin. He tells himself it is the wind.

… 

“Captain.”

Levi turns around to find his commander approaching him on the dock. He is outfitted in the current Survey Corps uniform – black suit, armor, and harnesses similar to the anti-personnel unit’s equipment that Levi had faced almost 4 years ago. His uniform is unique with extra strapping to hold in his newest engineered prosthetic limb. The end is the same triggering mechanism that Levi uses rather than a hand. It took him months of practice and re-work to get it even remotely close to what he was before he lost his arm. 

“Commander.” Levi salutes.

Erwin stands next to him at the end of the dock. The ship is being equipped to sail to Marley with the Paradisian navy toting supplies back and forth from the pier to the vessel. They watch in silence together. 

“The airship is ready to launch.” Erwin mentions.

“The ship will be ready soon as well.” He answers. They barely talk outside of business. Even as impersonal their relationship is now, he accepts all of it like a starving man.

“Levi.”

His name on Erwin’s lips makes his chest constrict so hard that his lungs burn from the lack of air. 

Erwin pauses before he adds quietly. “Come back alive.”

“Yes, sir.” He answers just as quietly.

No salute is given when Erwin walks away without a single glance. Levi watches him until he disappears behind the ship. 

Erwin never forgave him. He never will. That was fine by him because is here. Erwin is leading humanity to freedom beyond their island home. As long as humanity has Erwin, they had a chance. 

They finish preparations and set sail, the airship following close behind them. Levi steals glances at the vessel as they push forward. He knows Erwin is in there and it’s because Levi committed an unforgivable act all those years ago.

It cost him almost everything, but he did not lose the most important part of himself. Humanity never lost their hope. If he had a choice, he would have done it all again. He had no regrets.

**Author's Note:**

> This had been burning in my brain since I saw the prompt for Erwin Smith Week 2018. I thought about the RTS arc and how I thought Erwin would have felt if Levi had in fact broken his legs. I had a theory that he would feel betrayed and guilt-ridden for all of his troops that were lost in the battle. How would he carry that for the years following?
> 
> I also have a HC where this is one of Levi's few selfish acts. He knows that he had personal motives to save Erwin from certain annihilation, even if that meant damaging their relationship. Even if he is despised for the rest of his life, he can continue to fight because he knows that Erwin is still alive. 
> 
>  
> 
> I dunno...I wrote this in an hour because I really need to get work done and it was not leaving me alone. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.


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